静下来读书

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终于能静下来看书了，那时花开，书的风格是我曾经写或者看的最爱。
就是那种淡淡的忧郁还有无穷无尽的段落的重复让我找回了纠结的黯然的苍白的过往。
语无伦次或者，不知所云。
这些是书中令我感动的文字，我也曾经或者正在写下类似的东西，时隔许久，今日，它们令我悄然落泪。  
灵魂是永不泯灭的传递，尽管失去鲜活的附着，依然会在苍白的云朵上冲我微笑，我想我是读懂他们哀伤与欣喜的孩子，所以无时无刻我不在仰望天空，暗蓝的天空是一场太多疼痛的伤寒，滑过手心的洁白云朵是一场未完成的倾诉，每个灵魂都有刻骨铭心的故事，春暖花开的日子它们倾诉的愿望比任何时候都要强烈，而我所扮演的角色不过是个倾听者，在仰望天空的时候我们做最直接的交流，然后尽可能真实的把这场华丽的倾诉记录下来，转述给一些同样寂寞疼痛的灵魂，我是一个会在春天写很多字，写到双手幸福抽筋依然不肯停止的孩子，但我不觉得自己是个纯粹写字的人，我只不过是一个华丽倾诉中的枢纽罢了，如果我是个终身疼痛写字的人的话，让倾诉得以顺利地继续是我一生背负的职责。
这个冬天我显得如此的逆来顺受，无论是在自我的实现还是在感情的纠结，我蜷缩在属于自己的明媚角落，终于不再有力气与任何人任何事产生任何感情，感情是纠结一生的重负。你看到的不过是个把头深深埋在领子里沿着墙根行走表情落寞的女孩，耳机里是一些未名的旋律，残缺，激进，破碎，舒缓，那些纠缠不清的旋律是不是，是不是这个春天我最后的渔舟唱晚。偶尔听见自己流淌的声音，一种透明丰润如水银，瑰丽神秘如苍穹的声音在代替灵魂歌唱，不知在那个不曾被玷污的天空遇见了谁，是否拥有最纯正刚毅的血统，如同那些经过头顶的飞鸟，发出异常明亮的响声。
  只允许自己温习一遍，恐怕再度潸然泪下，不能自已，物是人非，空留千古绝唱。如果对方不忠于自己就要背负一生的愧疚与伤悲，只因曾经太相爱，不想爱已成往事，将往事永远留在风中。我走在街上眼泪毫无准备的掉下来，双手掩面，往事如放电影一般的一一重现，那个我深爱的人，那场残酷的爱恋，那段支离破碎的华彩，那流逝在似水年华的悲伤，当握在手里的风筝断了线，当一切都不尽在掌握的时候，我终于学会了放手放手，统统放手，只能站在时光缓缓流淌的河流上隔岸观望，观望一场绝伦的焰火表演，耗去一朵花开的时间，上帝在云端只眨了眨眼，眉一皱，头一点，于是 人间经历了无数光年，我们就是这样慢慢苍老死去的。
  我知道没有什么是永垂不朽，可终日祈祷分离不要那么快到来，我害怕从一无所有到一无所有，我的寂寞十五岁，我的似水年华，我曾经的执着音乐理想，几百张唱片，几十根头发，流淌不清的血液，看似珍贵的几段感情，青春，舞步，统统消失不见，我还来不及送他们一程，来不及问一句什么是永恒，甚至还来不及哭出声，送一程说一声我爱你。
  曾经有部电影，可是我忘记了名字，在那里有段独白的背景音乐就是大提琴，独白说：“我生命中的温暖就那么多，我全部给了你，但是你离开了我，你叫我以后怎么再对别人笑。”曾经也有一个笑容出现在我的生命里，可是最后还是如雾霭般的消散，而那个笑容，就成为我心中深深埋葬的一条湍急的河流，无法泅渡，那河流的声音，就成为我每日每夜绝望的歌唱。我很感激他们，但我清楚地明白这个世界上一个人来就要一个人走，曾经亲密的人蜕变为沿途的风景，带不走留不住，誓言烟消云散后，拨开层层迷雾，只剩自己孤独站立，寂寞的小孩寂寞歌唱曼妙的旋律如潮水寂寞翻涌，黯蓝天空无限包容着我的寂寞疼痛。
  我行走的时候基本不说话，周遭事物均与我脱了关系，爱恨扯平两不相欠，那些细水长流的旋律不知将我带向何方，未知的旅途我们又将何处邂逅。我告诉自己告诉每一个爱我或者我爱的人，但我们难过的时候，请看看天空，微笑地祈祷，天空不要为我掉眼泪，因为我们是好孩子，好孩子不流眼泪。

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     我是75后。在我们这个年龄段的人，基本上各个节骨眼上的改革都经历过。比如我上小学、初中、高中都赶上修校舍，高考改革我们差不多是头几批，政策年年变。上大学时开始收学费，等上研究生了，研究生也收费了。毕业时工作刚好被卡在福利分房大限的门槛外，有能力买房时房价呼呼涨。总之是一群倒霉孩子，内心对于变革有点敏感，没有安全感。

    我想讲讲自己和常德百姓网房子的经历，没有别的想法，只是希望能给同样是老百姓的童鞋们提供一点点借鉴：万事判断要靠自己，别被空或多的悠忽给骗了。我自己就有过教训也有一点心得，身边朋友更有触目惊心的实例。

    我是在一个经济比较发达的二线省会城市读的大学。上学时，商品房的概念开始出现。那时第一批黄金地段的商品房出来时，房价为1K+/平方，同时单位福利分房还有。

    那时商品房的建设远不如现在完善。客厅是暗的，夹在房间中。但相比福利分房的老房子，这种三室一厅、两室一厅、外观美貌的房子是相当让人羡慕的。当时我向家中建议买一套商品房，父母都坚决反对。理由是读了名校，毕业后不愁没有好工作，有了好工作熬个几年，总能分到房子。
    父母在老家有套老房子，是单位分的，很小且旧，层高不足两米五。这样的房子我们住了快20年。看到电视里国外居民宽敞明亮的房子，总觉得跟我们不是一个世界的。那时我还没有意识到生活的质量和尊严这类比较高远的问题，我就是单纯的觉得羡慕，希望有朝一日能有自己的房子，有卧室和书房。
    2000年后我参加了工作。单位规定1998年以前工作的人才有资格分福利房，我因为读了研，错过了福利分房的末班车。好在那时候房价不高，如果努力几年，还是能买得起房的。当时我的工资为一个月1K左右，房价为市中心的普通住房1k-3K，郊区刚刚开始开发，交通相当不便利，因此房屋售价为几百元。
    那时网络才刚刚开始普及，获得信息的渠道有限。通过和身边老一辈的人取经，大家普遍对买房觉得太贵(大部分人都已有福利房，或家中有人获得福利房)。
    让我心存疑虑的是，市场经济下，房屋商品化普及是一个必然趋势。我是不是该考虑买套房?但身边人高唱房子太贵，再等几年政策肯定又要变，福利房还是必须的，这些论调让我不敢和出资人(我父母)商量买房的事情，干脆租房等等吧。

    在此后大概两三年的时间里，我一直是租房渡过。租房的经历真的是让人很不愉快的，也直接导致了我强烈买房的愿望。只要住的房子不是自己的，那就不是家，没有归属感。
   在安顺出租房信息期间种种事情真不想回忆。
    租住的房子大都是福利房的获利者，房租随意涨价是经常的事儿，碰到房主要跟我谈心，我就明白离换房子的日子不远了。和中介去跑房、看房，其中的辛苦和辛酸不说，住在房子里时竟然很害怕有人敲门。房东有时候会过来看看房子(人家也不是炒房的，自己的房子当然心疼要没事看看)，放在现在可能不会了，那时候有房产的又装修了的，都觉得金贵。
    我一直在等待房子降价或新政策出台，解决下我们这批倒霉孩子的住房问题。可问题是比我们年龄大还倒霉的那批老孩子还有很多人没解决住房问题，哪轮到我们?我们单位一位老清华高工一直三代人蜗居50平米的福利房，想靠政策我看比较遥远。
    到了2003年的时候，连当年决定永不考虑的郊区房子都涨到了2K多。我终于说服父母在郊区买了两套小户型，考虑给自己用以及父母搬过来时住。父母当时正在想办法迁居至我现在的城市。
    03年的时候网络已经相对发达，我在本地的一家论坛上发帖说买了郊区的房子，立刻引来无数的同情。80%的人认为我们家的钱是肉包子打狗了，更有人说2K多的房子是巨大泡沫，引经据典的告诉我这辈子别想翻身了。两套房子一共三十万，我想自己工作年限长了，总能还上贷款的，就算房子降价也认了，我真的需要房子。首付一共六万，父母出的，月供2K不到。那时候我的工资也才2K左右，主要还是靠父母。
    依稀记得论坛上曾有一个投票，XX区的房价你认为会到多少，选项有“会降到1K”，“维持2K”，“奔四”，“永远不可能奔四”。
    当时我投了奔四，但投完一看，最后一项“永远不可能奔四”的选择人数为90%。
    但城市的发展超出想象。流动人口增多，城市化进程加速，地铁、公交、高架、高速建设几年内完成。
    现在这个XX区的房价为一万多。











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