世界杯前要给老婆宣布的纪律――-12条

某年某月某日 · 发表于 2006-6-8 04:17

世界杯前要给老婆宣布的纪律――-12条

都回去宣布, 要不然就是有组织,无纪律

第一条:
从2006年6月9号至七月9号, 请认真阅读报纸的体育版. 掌握世界杯动态, 以便我们之间的对话.否则你将被视为外星人, 或被完全忽略.

第二条:
世界杯期间, 电视完全属于我, 任何时间, 毫无例外.

第三条:
球赛直播期间, 我不介意你经过屏幕前, 但请采用爬行的姿势; 如果你选择脱光站在电视机前, 请注意不要耽搁太久以免着凉, 不要想我会有时间带你看医生或照顾你;

第四条:
球赛期间我是盲人, 聋子和哑巴. 除非我要求再来听啤酒或要求弄点东西来吃. 不要期望我会听你说话, 去开门, 去接电话, 或者扶起从二楼摔下的小孩.

第五条:
在冰箱里塞满吃的东西是个好主意. 当我的朋友来家看球时不要对他们拿脸色. 作为回报, 每天晚上12点至早上6点你可以看电视, 但有赛事重播时除外(参见第二条)

第六条:
切记!切记!切记!!!
如果我中意的球队输了, 不要对我说什么"算了,只是一场比赛." 和"他们下次会赢."之类的话. 这种话只会更加激怒我, 记住, 关于足球你永远不可能比我更懂, 所谓的"鼓励的话"只能直接导致分手或离婚(不一定是按照这个顺序哈!)

第七条:
欢迎在一场比赛时和我坐在一起, 并且在中场休息时和我聊天(仅限于广告时间并且场上比分让我很爽时).另外, 请注意是一场比赛. 因此不要拿世界杯作为"spend time together"的接口.

第八条:
进球重放很重要. 我不关心我看过没有, 我要再看, 再看, 再看...

第九条:
告诉你的朋友, 不要搞什么要我参加的聚会, 如生孩子, 小孩生日等等, 因为1)我不会去, 2)我不会去 and 3)我不会去

第十条:
(接上条)但是, 如果我的朋友邀请我们去他家看球, 我们将以闪电速度到达.

第十一条:
每日精华和球赛一样重要. 不要说什么"你不是已经看过了吗...为什么不换个我们都能看的台?" 回答将是:"参见第二条!"

第十二条:
最后, 不要做出"感谢上帝! 世界杯只是4年一次!"的表情, 我对这样的话是免疫的, 因为世界杯后接着还有冠军杯, 意甲, 西甲, 英超....

原文:

List Of Rules.

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of
the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup,
and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you
fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be
totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without
any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control,
you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind,
as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.
If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes
on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you
to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill
of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me
to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up
the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge
at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not
make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games.
In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they
replay a good game that I missed during the day. This rule however is discretionary.
(please refer to rule 2)

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is
losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll
win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and
I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football
than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up
or divorce (not necessarily in that order).

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during
halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score
is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do
not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen
them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch
a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important
as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already
seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??",
the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup
is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the
Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.